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This year signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {